Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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