my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Say something about gay babies.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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