I got her a Nickelback box set.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
