New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
