i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize