I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
