just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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