You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize