Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
