Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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