My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
