I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
