He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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