I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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