I just cut my nipple shaving
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
