my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
he was CRYING into my vagina
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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