I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
