so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
