May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
