Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
