u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
