Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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