there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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