look no pants
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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