Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
