if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
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