you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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