His pubic hair was longer than his dick
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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