last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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