That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Floor bacon is actually really good
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
