he was CRYING into my vagina
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
