After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
and you fell through a lawn chair
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
