I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
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Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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