The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
