So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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