If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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