She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
You're like the curious george of whores
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
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