OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
