Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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