Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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