Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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