Plan B is the new Plan A
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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