u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
