today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Randomize