sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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