And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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