apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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