God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
