I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
