Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
