She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
