I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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