I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
