just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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