i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
