worst night to have a conscience
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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