Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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