No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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