You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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