i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
