I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
