I wannas sexs uuuuu
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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