I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
