Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
well you can't waste a boner
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
