The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
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