remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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