I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
