i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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