How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
