don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
