That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
