so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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