your room smells of hookers.
And success
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize