piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
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