Will you blow on my dice?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
